Dear Survivor,

You are not alone in this, and what happened to you was not your fault. Know that you are worthy of healing, worthy of reclaiming yourself, and worthy of thriving again, no matter what happened. No one deserves to experience trauma, but you do deserve happiness, safety, and hope. Remember that you are like a sunflower: you can survive the droughts of life, you can thrive in the sun, and you will bloom into who you are meant to be. I believe in you.

With so much love, Abby

To Survivors, From Survivors

The healing journey after sexual assault is not easy, and there is not one set path for healing. And the only people who understand what you are going through are other survivors. We asked a group of survivors what they wished to tell other survivors, and this is what they said. 

• It gets harder before it gets easier. Life is not going to be the same but do not let this define you. You can get through this. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Cry as much as you need. Do not forget you are INCREDIBLE, STRONG, and IMPORTANT.

• Speak out!

• Be kind to yourself. Healing is not linear. There is no right way or timeframe to feel okay. And when you have times that you don’t feel okay, seek support. As a survivor now advocate, allowing yourself time to heal and surrounding yourself with supportive people can be so helpful during those dark moments. Your local sexual assault agency probably provides support in the form of counseling and/or support groups.

• It is not your fault. It doesn’t matter if you were wearing a low cut top or if you were flirting with him or any of the above. If you say no, it’s not your fault.

• Don't let it define you or drag you down, instead, let it lift you up and make you realize that you're stronger than you think; whether you call yourself a victim or a survivor, you are enough and it wasn't your fault, it never was, and it never will be.

• You are not alone

• You are more. You are strong. You will overcome. Yes, that one single event will always be with you. But, it has made you stronger. It has broke you. But you will heal. You will become more than you could ever imagine. You will cry. But one day you will cry happy tears when you overcome. It will become the past. The past occurrence that built you. 

• “Be strong” is the advice I got a lot, but I prefer “be resilient.” Being a survivor has effects on your physical, social, and mental faculties. Take care of each of these components, and do not fret if any of these regress at times. With current media exposure to violence, survivors are often forced to reconcile with their past feelings of hurt and betrayal. You can trust people. You can love yourself. You can be the person you’ve always wanted to be. Keep your head up because that’s how your crown stays on, but if your head falls and you see that crown on the ground. Pick it up and know that that tumble made your crown just a little more unique and made you a little bit stronger. Love and be loved. 

• No matter what you choose to do in whatever your situation may entail, know that YOU have the ultimate say. Others can give advice, but it is your decision alone to decide what you need and how you need to handle it. Your real friends will support you no matter what you decide! Also, you shouldn’t have to explain yourself to everybody. People should believe what you tell them and support your decisions, without prying. Finally, you are beautiful and loved and I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. It sucks, a lot. But this is not the end. You will make it, and you will come back from this stronger than ever! Push on, babe! You can do it!!

• Always put yourself first. YOU are the most important person in your life! 

• Do what feels right, do what makes you feel excited and happy.

• Write down on post it notes positive things about yourself. IE I am lovable, I am a great mom/dad, etc. and put them where you can see them everyday. You don't have to believe them at the time, but it's amazing how giving yourself affirmations will change the way you see yourself!

• Never feel rushed or pressured to "get over it". Take your time, go at your own pace, and you will overcome this.

• My assault happened 24 years ago and I’m still healing, so be patient with yourself. Forgive yourself. You did nothing wrong. You did NOT cause this. You are strong! You survived!!!!!

• Keeping the trauma a secret is the worst thing you can do. I understand that at the time it's what felt safe and comfortable after something so awful. But for me when I kept that secret it just rotted inside of me. It developed many awful feelings about my self-worth. It made me feel dirty. I remember telling myself I couldn't tell anyone that I was assaulted multiple times because they would either think I was lying or that I was the biggest idiot of all time. Your brain becomes incredibly skewed after a serious trauma, and you aren't thinking straight. Even if it's just someone from RAINN over the phone, a therapist, or even telling your story on reddit, it makes the difference when you finally speak your truth. For me the more I told people the less shame I felt. I remember a social worker who talked to me after my first suicide attempt told me "Your life will start getting better the more you tell people about what happened." And it's true Every time I would tell someone it felt like a brick fell off my shoulder. Carrying that secret is like carrying hundreds of bricks on your shoulders. However, be careful with who you tell. I recommend starting with people who are trauma-informed which could be someone from RAINN or a therapist.